Getting my thoughts out

For some reason, I want to write thoughts down. I don't know what thoughts, though. They come and go so quickly that I forget what they are. I'll just type as I think. It may end up being very random.

I had my 32 week appt. today. It went really well. I gave her my birth plan. I was relieved to hear that the things I want are pretty typical practice for her and the hospital. I'm hoping to get the swine flu vaccine tomorrow. The clinics that most of the county health departments in Utah have been a joke. My OB said so, too. The hospital is giving the shots for high risk people but they have to have the paperwork from their doctor. She faxed that over today. I hope I can get one. My inlaws won't be happy about it, but that's ok. I have several risk factors - pregnancy, immunosuppressive therapy, RA and a past history of asthma, which makes bronchitis very likely if I contract the flu. I've gotten the flu vaccine every year for the past 14 years, except one. And the one year I didn't get it, I ended up with bronchitis twice. I've researched the vaccine so much that I know I've made a very informed decision to get it. Bryant mentioned that to them, but that didn't stop them from trying to dissuade us from getting it.

The baby's heartbeat is very strong and she's kicking up a storm. I think she likes upbeat country music, plus the theme song to Stargate SG-1. It's like she starts dancing when it plays. We've been watching it a lot because we're addicted to it. It's not like we have a nursery to create. Nope, we just sit there watching SG-1, anticipating TealC's cocked eyebrow or O-Neill's wise cracks while fighting the Ga'ould or some other alien that they come across during that episode. I think little Rebecca doesn't have a chance. She's going to be a Sci-Fi fan if we have anything to do with it. LOL!

We've slowly started the process of completely rearranging the office. We're going to limit our office to less than half of the second bedroom, while making the rest into the baby's nursery. Hopefully, we'll have our own place by the time she's big enough to need her own room. It's quite a task. Bryant has computer stuff everywhere. I took before pictures. I can hardly wait to get the crib put together. We need a rocking chair. I don't like gliders. I actually get sick from gliding in them.

I've been having truly bizarre dreams. I've read that it's normal and my OB told me so, too. I dreamed the other night that we decided to take the baby out to see what she looks like and then put her back. When we went to put her back, she wouldn't go back. My OB laughed and said, "Someone's having some anxiety!" I didn't think I was. I mean, part of me wants her here right now and part of me is willing to wait until it's closer because I'm not quite ready. But, I don't feel stressed about the baby. I guess I've stressed a little about being a good mother and being able to handle it. But, deep down, I know I will. Bryant was the one stressing out. But, I think that was before so many friends (and my dad) have pitched in and given or bought us all the big stuff, so it was basically a financial worry. He's fine now. IDK.

I even feel confident that I can handle labor without intervention. I don't like medicine at all and really don't want the side effects of any pain medication. I mean, I've survived several gall bladder attacks. The pain was excruciating and it never let up and always lasted at least 18 hours. When I've described it to women who've had natural childbirth, they've said that it's like labor. But labor has at least a little bit of a break from time to time. From what I've read about labor, the worst part is transition. I know it will be painful, I'm not kidding myself. I guess that from all the stuff I've been through - the gall bladder, the RA, the IBS,etc, have prepared me. I have a relatively high tolerance for pain these days. I know that all the joint pain that has crippled me before I got the RA under control prepared me for the hip and round ligament pain I've endured these past few months. If it weren't for the RA pain, I don't know how I would've handled that.

I think I've rattled on and on for long enough. My brain is totally consumed with our baby. Bryant likes to joke that baby.exe is taking up my whole processor. That's exactly what it is.