That must be it!

I just read the comments from my last entry. The break outs started right after B and I started taking Omega 3-6-9 again. I wonder if that's the problem. Especially since I'm taking them in conjuction with the joint supplements.Nevertheless, I am thinking of trying the stuff that Brent recommended. It's way expensive, but it is available without the shellfish. I'm still very embarrassed about my face. My arms and hands have cleared up.

I've been plagued by a migraine and nausea the past several days. Of course, the first thing I think is, "Am I pregnant?" Can I just get a couple of eyerolls? I mean, why IS that always the first thing I think of? Especially since we're not really even trying. And if I were to find out that I am, I would be nothing but a nervous wreck. Why should I even get my hopes up? If I do get pg again, then I'll be scared to death to be happy about it. Ugh! In actuality, my feeling under the weather is probably due to the hotdogs B and I ate on Monday night. Dang Memorial Day celebrations! Phhtt.

Although, my workout on Monday kind of scares me. Typically, when we do cardio at the gym, I get on the eliptical (I don't do the eliptical that often, usually just once a week because we do most of our cardio at home and I use the Heathrider). I keep my pace at 4.0-4.5mph and my heartrate generally falls around 135. Well, we did cardio at the gym on Friday night and I was a little winded. On Monday, I had to keep my pace at 3.0mph and my heartrate was 145! I'm getting a little scared. I chalked it up to the protein shake I had for breakfast still being on my stomach. But, on our walk this morning, I felt like I was having to push myself much harder than usual. I thought I was going to hurl several times. If it doesn't get better in my next few workouts, I think I'm calling the doctor. (But, like an idiot, my first thought about being winded is "Am I pregnant?" I was winded with two of my pregnancies. Sheesh!)

And, of course, I'm back on my sensitive side. B's cousin, who got married right after our first m/c, is having his baby blessed this Sunday. FIL says, "You want to come?" Fortunately for me, he asked dh and not both of us because I started crying. It's not fair, I tell you! I want one! Grrrrrrrr....Why can't I just be happy for every single couple who got married AFTER me and dh and already has at least one baby? I just can't do it. Not right now. I want to, but all I feel is that it's not fair. I know I'm not alone with how I feel. I'm so grateful for my friends. And for B. He's my hero and protector. He's been trying to shield me from all the hurt and aggravation that I've been confronted with lately. And there sure seems to be a whole lot of it recently.

Another week, another pound

I actually lost 2 pounds again last week. I gained a pound last time I weighed, so that means I lost 2 this time. At least the scale's going down. It probably didn't help that we ate at Golden Corral again. For some reason, FIL loves to eat there.

I have been breaking out something awful for the past several days. It started a little bit at a time, then turned into one big breakout. I can't seem to get it to go away. I haven't had acne for years. It's on my hands and arms, too. This is so humiliating. Ugh! I have to wonder quietly if it's the glucosimine and chondroitin that I'm taking for my joints. It's really been helping, so I don't want to stop taking it. :( I'm allergic to shellfish and it says it has shellfish in it. But, I've been taking it for a few weeks and the breakouts just started a few days ago. HMMMMMM....

I'd Like to Buy the World a Coke...

So, there's been some drama on ff the past couple days. Now, it's down for "maintenance." It seems to go down like that right after there's been some drama. IDK. Maybe I'm just imagining that.

Anywho, I have been reflecting upon why people would be so disrespectful to others. Is it a lack of compassion? A heightened sense of selfishness? Or is it simply apathy? I try to think about how I'd feel if I were in that situation. Granted, there are a lot of situations I wouldn't be in, but still, we all are free to choose what life we live and how we react to certain situations. If someone asked me to leave them alone, I'd do it. I don't stick around where I'm not wanted.

What if we all loved one another and respected each others' position in life? What if we did truly try to walk a mile in each others' shoes? Would it make a difference? What if we truly did all just sit down and have a Coke together? Whether it's a woman who has never experienced a miscarriage or the pain of not being able to get pregnant or if it's a woman who's tried for 20 years to get pregnant and can't, we all are in this together.

It doesn't matter what color we are, what religion we belong to, what political party we prefer or what sexual orientation we have, we're all God's children. We are all here on this earth, experiencing happiness, grief, love, and disappointments. So maybe we're not really all that different. And we can have our beliefs of what is right and what is wrong and still treat people who don't believe the same thing with compassion and love them for who they are.

I know I have my faults. I have my weaknesses [the Coke thing, for sure ;) ] and I try to strive daily to make myself a little bit better, even though I stumble quite often. But, I do know how to love, I know how to accept and I know how to become a better person.

I'd like to teach the world to sing in perfect harmony....

Thoughts

I have been thinking a lot lately about my weight loss and ttc and other things. I feel like I have so many things in my head, I can't think straight. So, maybe if I can get them down here, I'll be better for it.

I feel great, physically. Besides the extremely early af, that is. I can throw weights around like I haven't been able to do in a long time. I'm in better shape now that I have been since B and I met. I can walk at his pace now. That's never happened. I can go 35 minutes on an eliptical, feeling like I can do more. I can now do 300 pounds on the leg press. I am benching 35 pounds on the chest press. I can do my abs circuit without feeling like I'm going to die. All that in just over 4 weeks! Who would have thought it!

My metabolism is so much faster now. I can get up off the couch without struggling. My back is more flexible. My clothes are getting to where they don't fit anymore. I feel like I'm missing 5 pounds of fat from my chin. I don't feel sick all the time. I have more energy. I could go on and on, but I can't express how wonderful I feel. I am finally noticing a difference in myself. And I can't believe that I've been at this for over 4 weeks. It just doesn't seem like that long.

Well, I've gone on about my accomplishments and have forgotten about my grievances. That's probably a good thing. :)

More and more, eventually, I'll get there

I lost 2 more pounds. Yay! Dh gained a pound. I think it's because of all his muscle. We'll do our measurements tonight.

We went to Provo on Saturday and had a nice visit with B's dad. We ate at Fazoli's. I love Italian food, but it wasn't the same. I did love the Coldstone ice cream B got me afterwards, though. I don't think I'll ever lose my taste for chocolate ice cream. Yum! But, B's dad did mention he noticed we both have lost weight. It's nice to hear that. Keeps us motivated.

Another report

I lost 2 pounds last week. That's amazing since we lifted weights only on Saturday. On Friday, we were both worn out and just went straight home.

As I sit here, waiting on B to fix whatever is wrong with is books that he wants to download to his music player, I feel a little down. Why do I feel down? Why do I feel like I need to do something out of the ordinary? I want to get out of here. I want to go to the beach. Someplace where I can be at peace and just relax.

Back when I first moved to the Salt Lake area (I used to live in Draper, 20 miles south of SLC), I used to take a drive out to the country at least every few weeks. Maybe that's what it is? Maybe I need to get out of here even more now that I live downtown. I'm such a country girl, I really don't know exactly how I live in the city. But, I do really want to go to the beach. I'm craving it. Back home, I could go to the beach in a day trip. Here, it would take a day just to drive there. Hohum.

I am feeling much better from the sinus infection. I hate taking antibiotics and allergy medicine. But, at least it helps. Hopefully, the pollen won't last much longer. Man, to be a desert, there sure is a lot of pollen.

I really am going to bed now.

Not been a good week

So, I feel like I've eaten crap all week. I've felt like crap all week. Darn allergies turned into a sinus infection. I've had no energy. I have had a hard time breathing. No sleep because I can't breathe. Ugh!

The good news is that I did manage to do cardio every morning this week. Just no weights. Brent won't be happy about that. I've just been exhausted by the time I got off work every day. My head hurts today, but I'm going to try to push through it. And I think we've had about 3 free meals, instead of the one we're allowed. :(

I think I'm getting ready to ovulate. That might be why I have a headache today. Crazy how, even though we're not really trying now, I still recognize the signs. Maybe I'll take some poison, I mean Advil to get rid of my headache and my other achiness. We're going to lift legs, chest, biceps and triceps today.