A year of stress....

I've had the opportunity the past few days to reflect on my life this past year. I think I can sum it up all in one word...stress.

My job stressed me out more than I could ever imagine. I can't believe that it did. I mean, working for the LDS Church is supposed to be Heaven, right? Everyone is righteous and all walk around with halos on their heads and are the most spiritual people in the world. Why would I possibly be stressed out? Wasn't that the ideal job situation?

Uh, no. I utter no words of criticism towards the LDS Church. I love the church. I still know that it's true. I don't doubt that. It's the people. We're not perfect. Even the ones who think they are...well, aren't. Those were the hardest ones to work with. Everyone had a job to do and they did it, quite often not thinking about the effect the WAY they did their job effected other people. B told me that if my manager ever left, that I should go right after. I should've done so in June when Doug left. Lord knows things went downhill from there.

Well, now that we've established the source of my stress, I looked to see how I handled it. My conclusion is: VERY badly. I turned into the wicked witch of the West. I said things to people that I never before would've said. I was negative, pessimistic, pissy...oh, did I mention, obnoxious? I behaved badly. I judged people when they judged me, sometimes even if they didn't judge me. I thought that maybe if I judged first, it would take the irritation of being judged away. Now, I'm becoming my own therapist.

The bottom line is that I strayed so far from who I am and what I believe I should be that it made me quite intolerable. I'm so blessed to have come through all this still clinging to the love of my friends and that they still love me.

I have made some resolutions. I know it's not the new year yet and that doesn't matter. I make resolutions whenever I feel like it and resolutions are needed. I am now studying my scriptures daily, praying more often, listening to more uplifting music and talks/books/etc and curbing my complaining. I am going to watch less TV (which includes the news), focus on my spirituality more and feed myself more positive thoughts.

I really must get back to who I really am. I'm afraid of who I've become. I really didn't like it when my friend told me that I complain all the time and she thought that was who I am. Really? ALL the time? I must be more positive. I am going back to my favorite quote and live it more fully. "Go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye and a smile on your face, but with great and strong purpose in your heart." Gordon B. Hinckley. Yes, that is who I used to be. I shall be that person once again.

Oh, and just to clarify, I've never been one of those annoyingly perky Molly Mormons and I don't ever intend to be. In fact, if I do become like that, please give me a swift kick in the ass. :)