I woke up in moderate pain this morning. Still much better than the severe pain I had experienced for 4 weeks, but bad enough that I broke down and took some Naproxin. Hey, 3 days without it or Advil was awesome! Hopefully, the next time will be 5 days or more. I'm pretty sure it's the storm that moved in yesterday.
I've been stressing out because of Rebecca's baby blessing meal on Mar. 7. The Jewkes family always has a get-together for a meal after a baby blessing. I have no idea what to do. I've never fed that many people.
I woke up mourning the relationships I've lost over the past year. I couldn't stop thinking about them. It hurts my heart. I quickly read the status updates in FB and then checked my email. I had an email from my best friend from high school. We've had our ups and downs over the years of HS and a little while after that. We lost touch somewhere along the way. I remember feeling like she hated me for some reason. We were so close at one time and then things just went sour. I haven't talked to her in years. She asked me to forgive her for the things that she said and did and for losing touch. We both are totally different people now. I am going to write her back and embrace her. I just don't know what to say. I'll need a little time. I just can't believe that someone actually apologized to me and asked for my forgiveness. That's a rare thing in my life. Usually, people just say or do whatever they want to me and don't give a darn about how it makes me feel. I am humbled.
It further reaffirms my belief that if you truly want to keep a friendship, you will communicate and try to understand what the other person is thinking instead of jumping to conclusions. I am truly grateful for the friends I have who don't judge. The ones who don't make me feel like I always owe them an explanation. The ones who truly understand me and make that effort. I hope I can be as good of a friend as they are to me. I just need to believe that people do love me and not doubt that.
Maybe it's not going to be "one of those days," after all.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Rambling
This is the birth announcement. Bryant did it. I think he did a great job!
I was thinking the other day that I am going to keep this blog so that I can get stuff off my mind about me. Our family blog is mostly about Rebecca. In case you haven't visited that blog, Rebecca was born December 27, 2009 at 2:12am. She was 8 lbs 7 oz and 22 inches long. She is my little cutie. I am not sure how I can love someone so much (I feel that way about Bryant, too). I'm so grateful for her and for the strength I've been blessed with to make it through these past several weeks. I have enjoyed every moment with her, even the hard ones. They are being treasured up in my heart, in pictures and recorded on video. ;)
About 4 weeks ago, I was thinking about how glad I was that I hadn't had an RA flare. The next day - boom! I woke up and couldn't move my fingers. Great. Over the past few 4 weeks, it's just gotten worse and worse. My trainer I've worked with in the past said he had a way to wipe RA out. He told Bryant that before the baby was born. I called him last week and he came over. He said that since I'm still nursing, it would be best to do the Life Force, or Candida Cleanse again. I did it in 2008 and my RA pain went away. The other option is something I can't do while I'm nursing. So, I'm going to start that cleanse tomorrow. If that doesn't do the trick, I'll do the other one after I'm done nursing.
I'm all stoked about doing this cleanse and saying goodbye to this RA pain. I'm sick of not being able to do anything. It's in my knees, my ankles, my feet, my hips, my shoulders. I have been living on Advil. Without it, I couldn't function. So, then Bryant came home with a cold last Monday. And I caught it. I can't remember the last time I had a cold. I usually keep them away by drinking lots of water and rinsing my sinuses. I guess I didn't have enough water the past couple of days and the lack of sleep makes a person vulnerable. Bryant doesn't usually get colds, either. But, I remember him having a couple of colds since we got married and I didn't get them.
I have a beautiful family. Bryant and I have been learning to take care of our beautiful little girl and rolling with the punches. She's precious. One of the best experiences I've had was the other day. I had her in her little papasan chair beside the couch while I watched The Doctors. I started talking to her and her eyes started darting around looking for me. She finally turned her head toward me and when she saw me, she had the biggest grin on her little face! It was like she said, "There you are Mommy!"
I need a new ticker to keep up with the weight loss that's coming. I've already lost 30 lbs. I've fluctuated up and down a few pounds the last several weeks. I am so excited about this!!!!!!
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Getting my thoughts out
For some reason, I want to write thoughts down. I don't know what thoughts, though. They come and go so quickly that I forget what they are. I'll just type as I think. It may end up being very random.
I had my 32 week appt. today. It went really well. I gave her my birth plan. I was relieved to hear that the things I want are pretty typical practice for her and the hospital. I'm hoping to get the swine flu vaccine tomorrow. The clinics that most of the county health departments in Utah have been a joke. My OB said so, too. The hospital is giving the shots for high risk people but they have to have the paperwork from their doctor. She faxed that over today. I hope I can get one. My inlaws won't be happy about it, but that's ok. I have several risk factors - pregnancy, immunosuppressive therapy, RA and a past history of asthma, which makes bronchitis very likely if I contract the flu. I've gotten the flu vaccine every year for the past 14 years, except one. And the one year I didn't get it, I ended up with bronchitis twice. I've researched the vaccine so much that I know I've made a very informed decision to get it. Bryant mentioned that to them, but that didn't stop them from trying to dissuade us from getting it.
The baby's heartbeat is very strong and she's kicking up a storm. I think she likes upbeat country music, plus the theme song to Stargate SG-1. It's like she starts dancing when it plays. We've been watching it a lot because we're addicted to it. It's not like we have a nursery to create. Nope, we just sit there watching SG-1, anticipating TealC's cocked eyebrow or O-Neill's wise cracks while fighting the Ga'ould or some other alien that they come across during that episode. I think little Rebecca doesn't have a chance. She's going to be a Sci-Fi fan if we have anything to do with it. LOL!
We've slowly started the process of completely rearranging the office. We're going to limit our office to less than half of the second bedroom, while making the rest into the baby's nursery. Hopefully, we'll have our own place by the time she's big enough to need her own room. It's quite a task. Bryant has computer stuff everywhere. I took before pictures. I can hardly wait to get the crib put together. We need a rocking chair. I don't like gliders. I actually get sick from gliding in them.
I've been having truly bizarre dreams. I've read that it's normal and my OB told me so, too. I dreamed the other night that we decided to take the baby out to see what she looks like and then put her back. When we went to put her back, she wouldn't go back. My OB laughed and said, "Someone's having some anxiety!" I didn't think I was. I mean, part of me wants her here right now and part of me is willing to wait until it's closer because I'm not quite ready. But, I don't feel stressed about the baby. I guess I've stressed a little about being a good mother and being able to handle it. But, deep down, I know I will. Bryant was the one stressing out. But, I think that was before so many friends (and my dad) have pitched in and given or bought us all the big stuff, so it was basically a financial worry. He's fine now. IDK.
I even feel confident that I can handle labor without intervention. I don't like medicine at all and really don't want the side effects of any pain medication. I mean, I've survived several gall bladder attacks. The pain was excruciating and it never let up and always lasted at least 18 hours. When I've described it to women who've had natural childbirth, they've said that it's like labor. But labor has at least a little bit of a break from time to time. From what I've read about labor, the worst part is transition. I know it will be painful, I'm not kidding myself. I guess that from all the stuff I've been through - the gall bladder, the RA, the IBS,etc, have prepared me. I have a relatively high tolerance for pain these days. I know that all the joint pain that has crippled me before I got the RA under control prepared me for the hip and round ligament pain I've endured these past few months. If it weren't for the RA pain, I don't know how I would've handled that.
I think I've rattled on and on for long enough. My brain is totally consumed with our baby. Bryant likes to joke that baby.exe is taking up my whole processor. That's exactly what it is.
I had my 32 week appt. today. It went really well. I gave her my birth plan. I was relieved to hear that the things I want are pretty typical practice for her and the hospital. I'm hoping to get the swine flu vaccine tomorrow. The clinics that most of the county health departments in Utah have been a joke. My OB said so, too. The hospital is giving the shots for high risk people but they have to have the paperwork from their doctor. She faxed that over today. I hope I can get one. My inlaws won't be happy about it, but that's ok. I have several risk factors - pregnancy, immunosuppressive therapy, RA and a past history of asthma, which makes bronchitis very likely if I contract the flu. I've gotten the flu vaccine every year for the past 14 years, except one. And the one year I didn't get it, I ended up with bronchitis twice. I've researched the vaccine so much that I know I've made a very informed decision to get it. Bryant mentioned that to them, but that didn't stop them from trying to dissuade us from getting it.
The baby's heartbeat is very strong and she's kicking up a storm. I think she likes upbeat country music, plus the theme song to Stargate SG-1. It's like she starts dancing when it plays. We've been watching it a lot because we're addicted to it. It's not like we have a nursery to create. Nope, we just sit there watching SG-1, anticipating TealC's cocked eyebrow or O-Neill's wise cracks while fighting the Ga'ould or some other alien that they come across during that episode. I think little Rebecca doesn't have a chance. She's going to be a Sci-Fi fan if we have anything to do with it. LOL!
We've slowly started the process of completely rearranging the office. We're going to limit our office to less than half of the second bedroom, while making the rest into the baby's nursery. Hopefully, we'll have our own place by the time she's big enough to need her own room. It's quite a task. Bryant has computer stuff everywhere. I took before pictures. I can hardly wait to get the crib put together. We need a rocking chair. I don't like gliders. I actually get sick from gliding in them.
I've been having truly bizarre dreams. I've read that it's normal and my OB told me so, too. I dreamed the other night that we decided to take the baby out to see what she looks like and then put her back. When we went to put her back, she wouldn't go back. My OB laughed and said, "Someone's having some anxiety!" I didn't think I was. I mean, part of me wants her here right now and part of me is willing to wait until it's closer because I'm not quite ready. But, I don't feel stressed about the baby. I guess I've stressed a little about being a good mother and being able to handle it. But, deep down, I know I will. Bryant was the one stressing out. But, I think that was before so many friends (and my dad) have pitched in and given or bought us all the big stuff, so it was basically a financial worry. He's fine now. IDK.
I even feel confident that I can handle labor without intervention. I don't like medicine at all and really don't want the side effects of any pain medication. I mean, I've survived several gall bladder attacks. The pain was excruciating and it never let up and always lasted at least 18 hours. When I've described it to women who've had natural childbirth, they've said that it's like labor. But labor has at least a little bit of a break from time to time. From what I've read about labor, the worst part is transition. I know it will be painful, I'm not kidding myself. I guess that from all the stuff I've been through - the gall bladder, the RA, the IBS,etc, have prepared me. I have a relatively high tolerance for pain these days. I know that all the joint pain that has crippled me before I got the RA under control prepared me for the hip and round ligament pain I've endured these past few months. If it weren't for the RA pain, I don't know how I would've handled that.
I think I've rattled on and on for long enough. My brain is totally consumed with our baby. Bryant likes to joke that baby.exe is taking up my whole processor. That's exactly what it is.
Monday, August 24, 2009
MIA
I've been posting more on our family blog than here. If you want to see what I've posted there and don't have the link, here you go:
http://bandcjewkesfamily.blogspot.com/
I'll be back here. I just haven't had a whole lot of time to do both lately.
http://bandcjewkesfamily.blogspot.com/
I'll be back here. I just haven't had a whole lot of time to do both lately.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Happy Birthday, America!!!!!
I just can't say how proud I am to be an American! I'm so grateful for all the men and women who have sacrificed their lives, time, families, etc to protect our freedom. It brings a tear to my eye. The song by Toby Keith, American Soldier, comes to mind. God bless America and its people.
Monday, June 15, 2009
Feeling better
I started having a good day here and there. I've worked myself up to two good days this past weekend. Today, not quite as good. But, that's ok. I'm making progress and it's for the best cause I can think of.
I'm noticing that there are some changes in my body. My stomach pokes out more, but doesn't seem as wide. It's odd to me. My OB appointment went very well. She told me that I'm out of the woods and I don't have to go back for another month! After going every other week for so long, this is going to be interesting and maybe a little nerve wracking. She told me that I could gain up to 15 pounds. Eek. After losing 40, gaining 15 of it back and then losing 10 pounds since I found out I'm pregnant, I don't really want to gain 15 pounds. She said I could maintain. I'll be happy with that. When I weighed this morning, I'd lost .4 of a pound. I'm totally ok with that.
I enjoyed being able to eat this past weekend. A little more food has started to appeal to me. Not today, but it was nice to want hamburger stroganoff yesterday.
I quit my job over the weekend. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did and so was Bryant. It's been very difficult being sick, but the fact that the computer made me sicker, it was almost impossible. I was always stressed out. I felt much better after quitting, too. I felt a great weight lifted off of me. I was surprised that it took me only 6 months to get as stressed out with this job as I got in my job with the Church took me 3 1/2 years to get to that point. Well, it's over. All I have to do is take my computer, pager and badge down to Draper and I am not going to worry about it ever again.
I wonder when I'll start to feel the baby. I know that he's dancing around in there. That's what he was doing on Friday when my OB did an ultrasound. Bryant said it was like he was saying, "Look at me, I'm on TV!" As my friend Cece said, he's a show off already! :) Now, I can enjoy my pregnancy and not worry about work stressing me out so much.
It's good to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm noticing that there are some changes in my body. My stomach pokes out more, but doesn't seem as wide. It's odd to me. My OB appointment went very well. She told me that I'm out of the woods and I don't have to go back for another month! After going every other week for so long, this is going to be interesting and maybe a little nerve wracking. She told me that I could gain up to 15 pounds. Eek. After losing 40, gaining 15 of it back and then losing 10 pounds since I found out I'm pregnant, I don't really want to gain 15 pounds. She said I could maintain. I'll be happy with that. When I weighed this morning, I'd lost .4 of a pound. I'm totally ok with that.
I enjoyed being able to eat this past weekend. A little more food has started to appeal to me. Not today, but it was nice to want hamburger stroganoff yesterday.
I quit my job over the weekend. I'm surprised I lasted as long as I did and so was Bryant. It's been very difficult being sick, but the fact that the computer made me sicker, it was almost impossible. I was always stressed out. I felt much better after quitting, too. I felt a great weight lifted off of me. I was surprised that it took me only 6 months to get as stressed out with this job as I got in my job with the Church took me 3 1/2 years to get to that point. Well, it's over. All I have to do is take my computer, pager and badge down to Draper and I am not going to worry about it ever again.
I wonder when I'll start to feel the baby. I know that he's dancing around in there. That's what he was doing on Friday when my OB did an ultrasound. Bryant said it was like he was saying, "Look at me, I'm on TV!" As my friend Cece said, he's a show off already! :) Now, I can enjoy my pregnancy and not worry about work stressing me out so much.
It's good to be FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Saturday, May 30, 2009
My Thoughts
I haven't been complaining about my morning sickness or other discomforts of pregnancy. I'm just stating what I'm experiencing. I had a few days of reprieve this past week, at least until Thursday afternoon. It came back with a vengeance. What do I have to say about that? At least I know that the baby's ok. :)
According to my pregnancy calendar, the baby is now a fetus. That's a relief! I've also been wondering if I have to actually be 13 weeks pregnant before I reach the second trimester. I don't know if I truly understand how that works. My pregnancy calendar listed 3 different ways of figuring it out. According to the Developmental way, I'll start the second trimester on June 9. I'm all for that. It means that I have a week from Tuesday! That's at 12 weeks, starting my 13th week.
We braved Wal Mart downtown early this afternoon so that we could get me some grits. I've been craving grits. It's the only place I knew for sure that I had seen them out here. We went ahead and got our water from there, too. While Bryant was filling up our water jugs, I went and looked at baby stuff for the first time. I really enjoyed it, at least until a bunch of people started crowding me. Then, I had to show Bryant. It's really starting to feel like it's real and I'm keeping up the positve thoughts about delivering the baby and bringing him/her home in December.
I'm having the weirdest dreams. I guess that's normal. I already had weird dreams, but now they've reached a new level. And I'm trying to convince myself to quit looking at the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom. I wore myself out pushing the buggy with 15 gallons of water and all the other groceries all over the store.
Gatorade has become my new best friend. Water doesn't sit well on my stomach. But, the Gatorade works really well. At least I'm staying hydrated. I was so excited that we found the blue Glacier kind in powder today. It's much cheaper than buying the bottles.
I'm quite content and happy. Even though I've had to give in and eat meat occasionally. I already had a hard time staying away from eggs and cheese, so I was allowing myself one day I could have stuff with eggs or cheese. Now, it's pretty much all the time. Boiled eggs have been good to me. And we had lasagna today. It was the 5 cheese kind that I found at Wal Mart. It was the best stuff! I'll have to get that again.
According to my pregnancy calendar, the baby is now a fetus. That's a relief! I've also been wondering if I have to actually be 13 weeks pregnant before I reach the second trimester. I don't know if I truly understand how that works. My pregnancy calendar listed 3 different ways of figuring it out. According to the Developmental way, I'll start the second trimester on June 9. I'm all for that. It means that I have a week from Tuesday! That's at 12 weeks, starting my 13th week.
We braved Wal Mart downtown early this afternoon so that we could get me some grits. I've been craving grits. It's the only place I knew for sure that I had seen them out here. We went ahead and got our water from there, too. While Bryant was filling up our water jugs, I went and looked at baby stuff for the first time. I really enjoyed it, at least until a bunch of people started crowding me. Then, I had to show Bryant. It's really starting to feel like it's real and I'm keeping up the positve thoughts about delivering the baby and bringing him/her home in December.
I'm having the weirdest dreams. I guess that's normal. I already had weird dreams, but now they've reached a new level. And I'm trying to convince myself to quit looking at the toilet paper every time I go to the bathroom. I wore myself out pushing the buggy with 15 gallons of water and all the other groceries all over the store.
Gatorade has become my new best friend. Water doesn't sit well on my stomach. But, the Gatorade works really well. At least I'm staying hydrated. I was so excited that we found the blue Glacier kind in powder today. It's much cheaper than buying the bottles.
I'm quite content and happy. Even though I've had to give in and eat meat occasionally. I already had a hard time staying away from eggs and cheese, so I was allowing myself one day I could have stuff with eggs or cheese. Now, it's pretty much all the time. Boiled eggs have been good to me. And we had lasagna today. It was the 5 cheese kind that I found at Wal Mart. It was the best stuff! I'll have to get that again.
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