How in the world?

Ok, I'm a little frustrated. How in the world can I work my butt off last week, eat right and have all my clothes loose on me and still lose a whopping 4/10 of a pound? GRRRRRRRRRRRR. I realize that I've made progress because of the way my clothes are fitting. But I really wanted to see the scale go down. I hate weighing so much. I wanted to do measurements this morning, but I didn't have time, since I fell asleep on the couch after my cardio.

I haven't called Brent yet. I'm sure he will ask what I've been eating. Yes, I have to admit that we had cheese a few times last week and probably a few more carbs than we should be eating. But those eggwhites are so stinking bland. And the texture makes me want to hurl. Sometimes, the only thing I can do to get them down is to use a little cheese.

And dh lost 3 pounds! Grrr. I'm happy for him, but I hate how men lose more than women. He'll be in the clothes he wore during his mission pretty soon. He has only 2 more notches in his belt before he goes down to his old "skinny" belt.

Well, onward and upward. I'll keep on plugging along. Maybe I'll have a Biggest Loser moment soon.

I lost 5 pounds!

At our weigh in on Monday, we discovered that both dh and I lost 5 pounds. Of course, dh's 5 pounds is more like 15 of my pounds. So, he's the biggest loser for the week. Phooey. He's looking really great. I wonder if it really is going to take him the whole 12 weeks?

When we met with Brent, he told us to pick a picture that looks like what we want to look like. Dh found this magazine cover at Brent's office. It fits both of us perfectly. I've been playing with it to put our faces on it. Here's my first results. We need a new program that will do better. Anybody have any suggestions? We don't want to spend a ton of money on it.

Yesterday, my phone died while we were sleeping. We use it as our alarm clock and I woke up at 6:47, so we didn't have time to work out. I was dragging all day long. I remembered that exercise in the morning helps me feel better all day long. Of course, the first full day of af didn't help me any at all. And all I wanted all day was chocolate. Ugh!

Today is much better. I was feeling last night like I need to limit myself with the amount of time I spend online while I'm at work. I also need to stop watching so much tv. I'm starting to work on that. I'm addicted. I have to slowly withdraw.

What a week!

The exhaustion has caught up with me. I had to drag myself out of bed this morning. I got ready, put on my shoes, looked at my healthrider and said to B, "I can't do it." I looked at my hands and said, "I can't do it." I felt like there was nothing left in me.

But, I asked B if he wanted to go for a walk. He said yes and we walked from our apartment over to the high school's track, around the track and back to our apartment. It took about 20 minutes. That's about half the time I did cardio for yesterday, but it was all I could eek out. At least we did some.

The last time I did this program, the first week caught up with me on Thursday. I suppose it's good that it took until today. I mean, I've been really tired, but this morning was just so hard. I just need to keep it up.

Name change, working out, and other thoughts

I decided that since we're not ttc right now, I'd write about our weight loss journey. So I felt it would be appropriate to adding to the name of this blog weight loss.

I've been thinking about a lot of things lately. Last night, dh and I went to the gym. I should be a trainer because I pushed him hard. He said that when people ask him today about why he could hardly move, he'd have to say that his wife kicked his butt at the gym last night. haha. I don't think I pushed him too hard. I think Brent would've done the same thing. On the other hand, I don't think I pushed myself hard enough. I underestimated my strength. I was very, very strong when I was working out before. It seems to be coming back quickly. I put a wimpy 50 pounds on the leg press! WTH is that all about? It felt like nothing. I got up to 90 pounds and I figure that's where I should start from next time. These were our first 3 workouts, so some adjustments will have to be made today, tomorrow and Saturday.

I'm starting to remember how good I felt when I was being this active before. It's amazing! I don't drag myself out of bed every morning, I don't feel every twinge and cramp (maybe that's because I feel the soreness haha), I am in a better mood, I just feel more like myself, finally for the last year or so! It pleases me so much. I feel better about myself, too. I feel pretty again, even though I'm still fat.

We get to watch my friend c/w's little 6 month old girl tonight. I'm excited about it. She's a doll.

Not thinking about it...

I know I just started my program on Monday, but I just had to weigh this morning and I've lost 3 pounds! Woohoo! I can tell it's a lot of water from eating so much sodium. And my hands are a lot better. The arthritis only affects it a little bit. It's completely gone out of my right middle finger. In only 2 days!


And I just realized today that I'm probably somewhere around CD20. I haven't thought about it at all! Of course, that made me think about it. Wondering if I o'd already. I guess it doesn't really matter. Brent put me on progesterone every single day to counter the estrogen that my body is producing while losing weight. See, when you burn fat, the estrogen gets into your bloodstream because it's stored in fat. Since my levels were already high, they're even higher now. It does feel good not to obsess about ttc. Not having to temp every morning. I don't feel the stress of it at all.


Brent told me that if my nutritional needs are met, I won't have cravings. I think he's right. And if my spritual needs are met, I won't get stressed (I do that A LOT). I think that's right, too. I must not quite have my spritual needs met because I got a little stressed yesterday. But then, that's the IRS's fault. Not mine, right? (wink)

Here I go!

Thanks, Karen, for the encouragement! We met with Brent on Saturday and I am starting the eating program today. I am doing well on it so far. Bryant is not. He hated my boiled eggs. The only way he likes them is scrambled with a little milk (the way I fix them) and salt and pepper. The oatmeal wasn't quite to his taste, either. He likes the sugar in it. He wanted to do this with me, and now he's grumpy and complaining about it. Boys...


So, I have a whopping 131 pounds to lose, while dh has 50 pounds to lose. Ugh! We got up and did our cardio this morning. It was hard to get up, but eventually we did and had just enough time to do it and get ready. We were a little hurried, so I'll forgive his grumpiness. Especially since he's hardly ever grumpy. We'll go to the gym tonight and do weights after work. I'm sure he'll want to stop on the say home and eat pizza or something. lol


I am tired of not being able to run or jump when we go outside to "play." I finally realized Saturday how big I am. I'm so ashamed of myself for getting this big. When I got down to 20% bodyfat several years ago, I swore that I wouldn't gain the weight back. Well, I gained it and a lot more. Darn emotional eater than I am! I'm reading my 3x5 card morning and night and looking at our pic of our ideal bodies. It's going to happen. I'm to that point, emotionally and physically, that I can't stand it anymore. Physically will probably be a little bit of a challenge. But I did good on that healthrider this morning. Now, to keep the motivation going! Woohoo!

Shucks, I'm sick of this

I'm very blessed to have the most awesome doctors now. My primary doctor referred me to an excelled OB. She's so nice, sensitive and such a great listener. And, she makes sure all my questions are answered so that I understand what's going on.

She told me everything looks good. There's no reason, other than hormones, that is keeping me from having a baby. My progesterone levels aren't good because of my weight. I have too much estrogen.

So, I'm taking 12 weeks off ttc and losing as much weight as I can. I'll be going on Victory Over Self, a program I did several years ago and lost 100 pounds. It's a modified Body for Life program. It takes care of the physical, mental and spiritual aspects of being healthy. Bryant and I are meeting with Brent on Saturday. I'm so excited! I really want to lose weight. Brent's a great motivator, too.

I'm just tired of the ttc stuff. On the original buddy group I was in on FF, one I joined right after my first loss, my best friend from the group left and we would pm each other all the time. She was frustrated with it. I kept posting. After this last loss, two other members (one not from our original group) popped up out of nowhere to announce that they were pregnant! No consideration for me. That left me the only member not pg or having just had a baby. I left. I just can't deal with it right now. The same thing happened in my Chinese Medicine bg. Someone who just posted once came back a couple days later to announce a bfp! Can't anyone see my pain and at least write me about it or be considerate that I'm not pg anymore? I've lost 3 babies and it really doesn't feel good.

Anyway, those are my ramblings. At least I feel better today.