This blog was formerly called, "Candice's TTC/Weight Loss Journey." My TTC Journey is on hold while I work on my Weight Loss Journey. I have two beautiful children and a handsome husband that I am getting healthy for so that we will have many years together.

Skeptical

My inlaws have a Wii and a Wii Fit. I hate how the thing makes you weigh everyday because it will tell me that I've gained 3 pounds in one day. Then it will ask me what the reason for my weight gain is. OK. Well, I didn't eat enough to gain weight. Nor did I eat anything that would make me hold 3 pounds of water. So, the only reason I can think of is that you're a piece of junk. But, you don't give me that option. So, I say, "I don't know." Then it says, "Let's review a little about how nutrition works," or some nonsense like that. I already know how nutrition works. I know more about nutrition and exercise than most people. I have gained and lost hundreds of pounds. I've read lots of articles and I even went through a home course to be a trainer. So, don't tell me that you're going to teach me something I don't already know. I know that I don't know everything, but I'm sure that Nintendo didn't program their Wii Fit to contain more information than my brain already has.

What? You think that just because I'm very overweight that I can't know much about being healthy? Bah. Just because you have knowledge doesn't mean you always use it. I know I shouldn't eat certain foods, but I'm human and I fail a lot. Otherwise, I wouldn't been in this predicament.

Well, I've been doing very well lately. It's pretty much come down to my eating healthy and losing weight or continue to have problems with my RA and gain some other problems that I don't have and don't want. I realized the other week that my mama was my age when she developed diabetes. I want absolutely nothing to do with that. I actually get frustrated with people who just automatically thought that I would get gestational diabetes because I was pregnant and overweight. I didn't get it. What I ended up with Nathan was gestational hypertension. High blood pressure runs rampant in my family. I don't want that. Considering my BP was always on the low side of normal, I'm really surprised that it ran so much higher in both my pregnancies.

So, coming back to my original thoughts, my scale is packed away in some box somewhere in our storage unit. If I want to know if I've lost weight, I have to use the Wii Fit. I weighed a few days after I made my changes to my eating habits and it said I lost 7 pounds. My clothes are much looser on me and even my husband has commented (without my mentioning it) that I have lost inches. So then, I weighed again last week and it said I gained 2 pounds. Whatever. Now, I'm scared to weigh. I don't want it to say that I've gained again. PITA. I hate the thing. If I could find my measuring tape, I would just go by inches.

I have a long way to go. I hate BMI, too. You can't tell me that when I worked with my old trainer and had lost all that weight and weighed 189 pounds that I was obese. I told him that I wanted to lose 50 more pounds and he laughed at me. He said there was no way I could lose that much. Maybe 20 pounds. BMI is not a one size fits all. There are some people with more lean body mass than others. I've always been strong. So, getting to 134 pounds for me is laughable. No BMI. You're BS. I'm thinking if I get down to 170, I'm doing good. I probably won't have the muscle I had in '03, but I'll be close enough.

Wish me luck. I really want to weigh. I expect that I've lost at least 5 more pounds, but the Wii Fit probably will say I've gained 5. I'll just wait until we unpack and use my scale.

Anybody There?

Does anyone still read this blog? I just looked at it and realized that I hadn't posted here in almost a year. If you still read it, will you post a quick comment? I'm curious.

I thought that since this is my weight loss blog, I'd unload a little here. I've been struggling a lot the past few months with stress and my RA. I've felt horrible. I just figured out that it must be nutrition. I just took some Reliv for the first time in months and I already feel better. I was feeling terrible today.

Anyway, I wonder if it will help me lose weight? Right after Rebecca was born, the weight I gained during the pregnancy came right off. Not so this time. I lost all by 10 pounds (I only gained 23) but I gained some back. I guess it doesn't help how stressed I've been. I need to eat better. I've had too many sweets.

I'm not sleeping well, either. We're all in one room, so between my being uncomfortable, Rebecca fussing a little in the middle of the night and Nathan needing to be fed, I don't sleep. Honestly, the kids don't bother me. The pain and being uncomfortable are what bother me.

Oh well. What does it matter, anyway? I feel like nobody cares. At least nobody by my wonderful husband. I just pray that he gets the job at Snow College so we can get out of this house into a place of our own again. That will do miracles for me.

Busy, busy, busy

I'm actually sitting here on my desktop PC today. That doesn't happen often. I got up at 8am, fed Rebecca, gave her back to her dad (who was still in bed), went to water aerobics and came home to find that Daddy and daughter are sound asleep. It's really nice to have this time to myself and my thoughts.

What are my thoughts? Well, one of them is that I'm craving sausage biscuits from Carl's Jr. They have Hardee's biscuits now. Of course, it's too late to go get one. But, I should not be eating them anyway. I figure they will just make me sick. I can't eat junk food anymore. I don't know how in the world I used to eat that way all the time.

No matter what I did, I couldn't get the pain in my hands to go away. I had a blessing on August 1 from a very dear friend from SC. It was a beautiful blessing. In it, he said that I would be healthy, my body would be strong and my immune system would function properly. During the blessing, I felt the pain leaving my hands. By the next day, it was completely gone. How grateful I am for that. My RA is completely in remission now. I pray that it stays that way for good.

I've been learning a lot of lessons the past several months. I think that being a parent must accelerate those lessons. For the most part, I haven't been getting upset over small stuff. I have looked for the good in people instead of always seeing the bad. That takes a lot of effort, especially with some people who just beg to offend others by not watching their tongues or are always judging without knowing what they're seeing. These are my challenges. Loving others is something else I'm working on. Some people just make it hard to love them. And some days, I just don't feel like loving people. But, I have made progress. I can't perfect these things overnight. I'll just keep plugging along.

Onward and upward. :)

Beyond Disappointment

People may say that it's silly to be so upset about an election. It doesn't really matter to me what those people think. I chose to believe in a man who is honest, who chose to continue to run on his own merits instead of turning the tables on his opponent when his opponent started running a negative campaign where he lied about Tim supporting things that he did not. And after this opponent was supplied with proof that his accusations were unfounded, he did not back down. He continued to run the ads. People believed him, apparently. I can't believe Tim lost. We need him. We don't need another lawyer who is looking after his own interests. At the moment, I can't even believe that he'll listen to his constituents any better than his predecessor did. This man even flaunted his religion to get votes. I don't give a rat's hiney if he's LDS or not.

I can't even believe the reasons some people vote for a certain candidate. Flip a coin - REALLY? You've got to be kidding me. Because his campaign called you fewer times? That's stupid or at the very least irrational. Because of the person's religion. OMGosh! I am so disappointed in these people. It's an insult to those of us who put our precious time into finding out what each candidate represents, going to rallies, meeting the candidates, watching debates and THEN deciding which one will better represent us.

I have a blue personality. I'm very sensitive. This means that I've been let down a lot and suffered a lot of heartache. I've tried to change that many times. But then, I figured out that my sensitivity allows me to be more empathetic and allows me to be more spiritual. I don't want that to change.

I'll eventually get over the disappointment, but it will take quite a bit of time. I can't vote for the lawyer in November. I doubt that will change unless I see some kind of penance from him. I'm not really worried about the Democratic candidate since Utah is so Republican. So, if I don't vote in that particular election in November, it won't make a difference. I just don't see any alternatives at this point. I know that Tim is backing his opponent for the good of the party, but I can't bring myself to that point. I'll vote for governor and the Congressional race, but not the Senate race.

Let's see, what's the bright side? Well, I don't really see one at the moment. I think I'll take a relaxing bath and try to sleep. Maybe things will look better in the morning.

I got my life back...again

I've been wanting to blog for quite a while. The problem is that I have to spend most of the little time I have online reading updates or something because my laptop is hooked up to the TV and all I have is a mouse hooked up to it. I don't have an extra keyboard and laptops and babies don't really mix. It's either Rebecca or the laptop on my lap.

I started drinking this stuff called Reliv(e) in March after meeting several people who have RA and said that the stuff gave them their lives back. I also talked to a few people on the phone about it. Within a week, my allergies were better and my IBS was gone. That was great, but I was taking it to get rid of the awful pain of RA. My friends told me that it may take some time because it was working on other stuff first. After another week, I noticed my shoulders didn't hurt anymore and my knees were getting better. But my hands and my energy level were still awful. And if I walked for exercise or cleaned the apartment, I hurt the next day. This went on for a little while. I wondered if the supplements were really going to help me. I ran out of the stuff while waiting for another order to get here and the IBS started to bother me again and I started hurting again. OK. So, it seems to be working.

I finally figured out (or remembered, because I already knew this) that my diet wasn't helping. I was eating sugar and dairy again. Sugar is in everything. It's ridiculous. I was also eating lunchmeats because I was craving sub sandwiches. I think it was for all the veggies I put on mine. The additives were killing me. I decided on Mother's Day weekend that all this crap had to go. That Monday was my first day without sugar, additives and dairy. I did really well on Monday. But, Bryant brought home cookies on Tuesday and we went to a friend's baby's first birthday party on Wednesday and I ate cake and ice cream. Blech. I felt awful.

OK. I started over. I haven't had sugar now for over a week. I haven't had Advil for over two weeks. I took a couple of Goody's powders last week because the detoxing gave me a headache for a couple of days. Now that I've gotten the crap out of my system, I feel like a new woman. I haven't felt this good since I was pregnant. The RA pain is gone from everywhere in my body except my hands. I imagine that my hands will take quite a while because they have been horrible. And that pain is tolerable. I can actually make a fist again. And I have so much energy! I can't stand just sitting. Rebecca and I go for walks every day. I've managed to get the kitchen looking half decent. And I don't hurt. I don't hurt. It brings tears to my eyes. For the first time since the flair started, I feel good. I haven't felt good physically since Rebecca was born. I got rid of the pain from the c-section and the flair hit me right after that. It hit me like an 18 wheeler going 90. There was no warning, no gradual pain returning. It just hit me.

I saw my old supervisor the other day. I finally felt like going to see her. She'd been wanting to meet Rebecca for a long time. She told me that I look radiant, like I was fulfilled. I told her that so much has changed and she couldn't be more right. I'm no longer wallowing in the grief of 4 miscarriages. I'm still sad that I lost those babies, but I have Rebecca to look after now. I also have the most wonderful husband ever. My self-esteem is higher than ever and I am grateful to my Lord for helping me get to where I am now.

I don't know how much weight I've lost, but my clothes are baggy. I'll weigh on Monday to see. I have come so far in a short amount of time. I can hardly wait until I am able to run. Rebecca will not remember me as her fat mommy. She'll only know me as her skinny mommy if I have anything to say about it. :)

Almost 2 weeks

I started the cleanse a week and a half ago. I lost 10 lbs last week! I don't quite expect the same success this week. I ate some beans, a wheat tortilla and a white bun the past couple of days. Bummer. I could've slipped up worse. At least it wasn't ice cream or something like that. I'm going to not add that stuff back until a day or two later than I would have.

My RA has improved so much. I went three days last week without taking anything. I've gone a day here and there since. I've just had some flares with all the unsettled fronts we've been getting. Today is the first one we've actually gotten any precipitation out of. It hasn't been as bad as it was. Previously, it was my entire body. Now, it's just a shoulder or a knee. The problem with my shoulders is that I have a hard time lifting the Sweet Pea. I am so happy about the progress I've made!

I'm excited because I get to have my hair done on Saturday. I also am getting a new dress. This weekend is going to be so busy. We have to get ready for the blessing luncheon on Sunday. Why do I always get nervous when I know I'm going to be around Bryant's family? I'm so glad that I'll have friends there, too.

I can't believe that Rebecca is almost 10 weeks old. Time surely has flown.