Give Thanks

After my last post, I remembered that my wallpaper on this blog says Give Thanks. I do try to always be grateful. Sometimes are harder than others. I have been tired and run down and those times are the hardest. At least I know that the others in my training class are feeling the same things I am. We were talking about that today.

I am not continuing with school. I have given it much thought, prayer and consideration. I cannot justify going into debt further for a career that I don't think I can tolerate. I have developed a really bad allergy to dogs. I can't touch one with my bare skin without breaking into hives. And it's even gone through my pants. I feel awful about it. But, at least I know now instead of a year from now. It breaks my heart to have such an allergy. I grew up with dogs and have never been allergic before. Only if I rubbed my eye without washing my hands after petting them. Ugh! I love what I've learned. It's been wonderful. I've even made a couple friends. I doubt we'll keep in contact, but they helped make classes more tolerable.

I'm doing better in training. I'm so grateful to have found this job. I am excited about being able to work from home. I will continue that indefinitely. I need to focus on my weight loss. It's my number one priority. So, my job will be working out, eating right and data entry from home.

I am going to start making a list of the things I'm grateful for. It could span several pages.

Crappy Week

I'm exhausted, frustrated and irritable on most respects right now. I have not been able to exercise all week because of this new schedule. I just can't figure out how I'm supposed to get my workouts in for the next few weeks. I don't even have enough time in the mornings to do my cardio. I prefer to do cardio in the morning. But, I can't drag myself out of bed any earlier than I already do. And I need to exercise on an empty stomach. I get sick if I go right after I eat. I don't want to go at 9pm. I didn't eat well this week, either.

I don't like the time of the training at all. They split my day so that I can't get anything done. It's a 30 minute drive to get there and a 30 minute drive home. I don't get a decent meal until 3pm. And, they won't give me any wrist rests. My hands and wrists are sore from all the data entry we're doing for training. The good news is that I know what I'm doing. Guess my past work experience for United Healthcare has come in handy.

That school up north has another opening (or is it the same one because the person they hired didn't work out?) for the job B applied for in September.He applied again. I'm kind of feeling like, "Here we go again." Eyeroll. I'm willing to bet that the reason I feel this way is that I'm exhausted, frustrated and irritable. I want him to get the job. I want out of this awful city. OK, this city isn't awful by city standards, but I HATE living in a city. I want to be in a small town again. I long for it. I just don't want us to be disappointed and downtrodden if he doesn't get it again this time. B called and they guy was encouraging. To that, I think, "Yeah, he was encouraging before, too." I hate being so cynical. If he gets an interview, I probably won't be able to go because of that training. And they listed the job starting on December 1. And they're not closing it until November 18! They cut it way too close! I'm not done with my training until December 5, at the earliest. We'll work something out.

OK, end of rant. Thanks for listening.

Another week, another pound

I lost a pound a week these past two weeks. At this rate, it will take me forever! At least I was down this week. I was afraid I would gain because of AF and the fact that I didn't eat as well. I can wear the clothes I wore when B and I were first married. Woohoo!

I'm back on the wagon, though. I went to the gym for the first time since June. I kicked my butt. My chest and biceps are starting to get sore.

B and I went to his cousin's baby blessing on Sunday. I really enjoyed being with his family. This cousin lives in Tooele and he and his wife have always been so kind to me. I am so glad that I feel so much better. Otherwise, I wouldn't have wanted to go, let alone had fun. Everyone noticed my weight loss. Of course, that made me feel even better! :) B and I represented his immediate family since his parents couldn't be there.

B wants to go to his parents for either Thanksgiving or Christmas. I'm ok with that, of course, but I'm afraid of how seeing his sister with her baby will affect me. My last loss was due today. If she told me correctly, then her baby would be due in the next week or so. I'm not mad about her being pregnant anymore. That baby will be my neice or nephew. What worries me is how I will handle seeing that baby so much, knowing that we would've had one the same age. *sigh*

End of first 8 weeks of cleanse

Well, I made it through the 8 weeks of the strict part of the cleanse. I can start adding back stuff like beans, vinegar, popcorn and nuts today. I actually made my chile for dinner today to celebrate! I love my chile. It was yummy.

My goal was to lose 50 pounds in the 8 weeks. I didn't quite make it. In terms of body fat, I think I was really close. I'm not complaining. I'm very grateful for the 32.8 pounds I lost. I wish that I would've taken my body fat at the beginning.

I said when I started this cleanse that if it worked for me, I was going to recommend it. Well, I consider it a huge success! Before, I was fatigued all the time. I was achy all over, nauseated a lot, had low energy. In short, I was miserable. Now, I feel good 99.9% of the time. I mentioned in my last post that I feel so much better. Like a new person.

The name of the cleanse is the McCombs Plan, formerly known as the Lifeforce Cleanse. I really do recommend it for anyone who has any of the complaints I mentioned above. It's not a weight loss plan. The weight loss is a side effect of the detoxification. Once you get all the bad stuff out of your system, you're free to feel better, to lessen the complaints - or to take them away completely.

I'm starting the probiotics now to put the good flora back into my intestine. I have another 9 weeks with that. I can add back different foods every two weeks. However, I think that I'm going to limit them in the future because I like the way I feel eating the way I have been the past 8 weeks.

Sunday Mumblings

Well, I made it through all three meetings at church today. I only managed Sacrament Meeting last week. Once Relief Society started, I wished that I had gone home. Our next door neighbor taught. The only thing that she seemed to be able to talk about during the whole lesson was her newborn son and how she is a mother and the parts of the lesson that pertained to raising children was meant for her, because she is a mother. She's a mother, she's a mother. Well, flippin' good for her!

I have just struggled a bit with her pregnancy because while I was in limbo, trying to figure out what was going on with my last pregnancy, she announced hers. We were due about the same time. Her baby was two weeks early. I have managed to be happy for her. I just wasn't in the mood to hear her brag so much, and so insensitively, during her lesson. I suppose that if we would've had breakfast this morning, maybe I would've handled it better in my mind during her lesson.

We had dinner with B's parents in Provo last night. It was good to see them. The first thing both of the commented on was my weight loss. It made me feel so good. Scott said, "You keep it up on that program and pretty soon, you'll give us a grandbaby!" He had such a big grin on his face and I could tell that he was genuinely proud of me. It made my day.

I'll weigh again tomorrow morning, but as of last Monday, I've lost almost 29 pounds and 32.5 inches. I'm wearing clothes that I haven't worn since B and I were first married. The weight isn't coming off that fast, but I'm ok with it, because the fat is. I've gotten really strong, which means, my muscle is coming back. I feel skinny. What I see in the mirror, doesn't reflect what I feel like. I can get around really well, have tons of energy and have a wonderful general well being.

Charmed

I'm obsessed. My last roommate got me watching Charmed during, I think, the 5th season. I'd watch it if I was around. I enjoyed watching it, but I don't recall ever being this obsessed over it. It's on TNT weekdays from 2-4...two episodes. So, everyday, I have to be finished with all of my other work so that I can watch it, without interruptions. :eyeroll: I did do some homework during an episode the other day. But, what I want to know is WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME???????? I can't remember the last time I got so obsessed over a TV show. Oh wait, what about LOST?

Well, the fact is that I'm not charmed. I have tried, but I can't move objects with my mind, freeze time or blow up things. Wait...maybe I am charmed. I do have premonitions from time to time. But beating up demons, I don't want to know if I can do that.

I feel good....

So, my doctor called earlier this week and said that I have a very high rheumatoid factor. I was actually trying to find my keys so that I could go to my podiatrist follow-up appointment. I could not find them and I looked everywhere. I was frustrated because of something else, too. So, when he called, I lost it. Thank goodness that right as I started crying, Bryant showed up.

I remember a year ago, my rheumatologist told me that I probably had the start of Rheumatoid Arthritis because of the pain in my hands. So, my primary doctor thinks that the lumps on my thumb and elbows are rheumatoid nodules. I researched them and they only happen in active cases of RA. I don't want RA. I'm way too young to have it. I know I have a good friend who has had it since she was a teenager. Things like this weren't supposed to happen to me.

I haven't had pain in my hands since I started the cleanse, at least until Fall finally showed up. One has hurt a bit the past few days. My Palindromic Arthritis hasn't bothered me in months (knock on wood). So, what's the deal with this? I have been so bummed out about it this week. At least until a talk in General Conference by Elder Wirtlin. That helped a lot.

So, on Thursday, my new rheumatologist's office called and said that she can't see me until November 12, despite my primary doctor trying to get me in asap. The woman wasn't friendly and said that it's going to take that long because I cancelled the appointment I had in September. What? I'm being punished for not being able to make it in on September 4 because of work stuff? You know, I didn't really want to see her anyway. I never felt good about it. I think I'll find another rheumatologist. Sheesh. I don't really want to go anyway. All my old RD (he retired, this new one picked up his patients) ever wanted to do was put me on disease modifying drugs that were not safe for TTC.

Well, despite all this, I feel good. I feel like doing things. I guess I've lost more weight. I haven't weighed. My clothes don't fit. I can get around so much better. RA? What are you talking about?