I love my life!

I am finished with my job! I am no longer employed! I really thought I would never see the day. I thought that I'd be stuck in that job forever. I feel tons better. Not just from getting rid of the stress from work, but also from the cleanse.

My doctor gushed over the 23 pounds I've lost in the past 4 weeks! He was very happy about it! That made me feel really good. The lumpy nodule thingies on my thumb and elbow, he says, are either rheumatoid nodules or gout. Gout? Are you kidding me? He told me to go to my podiatrist for the plantar wart. I also had my podiatrist take off the edges of my big toenails where they were ingrown. He said that ingrown toenails are usually inherited. I blame them on my dad. Mama had horrible, horrible toenails, but they weren't ingrown.

And, aunt flo started today. Bah! Only a 25 day cycle.

But, I am way stoked about my weight loss! My favorite capris won't fit me anymore without a belt. Even my shoes are too big. I actually haven't been at this weight in 2 1/2 years. I can hardly wait to lose more. :)

Wow, what a ride!

Oh, sheesh! It's been crazy since Friday the 29th! I had my first awful performance evaluation. Is my performance really that bad? No. It's not a coincidence that my boss resigns suddenly and then I get my first bad PE. It's these two crap people I'm working with right now. I left my supervisor's office devastated. I hate failure. I felt as if I had been stabbed in the back, blindsided and just downright angry. Most of it was finger-pointing that wasn't my fault to begin with. The bad attitude, yes it's my fault. It's because my job stinks. I'm so stressed out with it. I hate it. I've been treading water for the last year. I don't remember the last time I looked forward to coming to work.

B and I took the weekend and most of last week to think and pray about what to do. I had **almost** made the decision to resign my position and on Wednesday, I got an email from a coworker pointing fingers at me again. I wrote her back and told her that I did NOT make those mistakes and proved to her why it was done the way it was. (And she still hasn't apologized to me.) I told B when he picked me up that I'm done. As soon as I made the decision to resign, I felt as if the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. It was the first decision about my job that I've made that I feel extremely good about. Holy cow, the difference!

So, what to do now? I have wanted to leave my job for a while, but I kept thinking that I didn't have much longer before I'd have a baby and I'd be a SAHM and if I could just hang in there until then.... Well, I can't live like that anymore. I have to follow my dreams. I want to work with animals. I've always loved animals. I feel like I have a way with them. After all, that deer started to come to me at Yellowstone when I was talking to it. I decided that I'd go back to school to become a Veterinary Technician. I'm so excited! I already tested out of one class. I'm sure more will follow with my transcripts. I can hardly wait to start school on the 29th!

Oh, and I did turn in my resignation, effective September 19. I'm counting the days. I feel like a new woman. B said he's excited to have his wife back! I'm excited to be back!!!!!!!

Day 4....

I'm so tired. But, I figure I have more than the toxins making me tired. I started spotting last night and it's red now. I think af is showing her ugly face. Blech! And I'm preparing for a doozy this time around. I'm cramping like crazy right now. No wonder I've been craving that big ole steak from Sizzler the past couple days. I always crave red meat around time for af.

I told my chiropractor yesterday about the cleanse and my ankle. He loved the idea of my doing the cleanse. The doctor who developed the cleanse spoke at his school. He knows all about it. He said that he was glad I'm doing it and is really stoked that it's helping me. Especially with the 5.8 lb weight loss already this week. He also scolded me a little about my ankle. He said that I should've stopped wrapping it last Sunday and that I need to try really hard to not walk with a limp. It still hurts. He said that the bruising and swelling are gone, so I should still ice it at least once per day and try not to overdo it, but to walk on it as much as I can. We walked to work today, for the first time since I sprained it. It hurts. I'm trying not to limp, but it really hurts right now. I am glad it's much better now.

I think my working to be more positive is helping me. I also think I'm making progress. I decided to try not to say negative things about people anymore. It's hard sometimes just because it's my nature to be critical. My parents were, my college was. I notice some details that others never would. I try to be observant without being judgmental. But I always tend to think things like, "I would never wear that," or "that looks horrible on her," or "What a jerk! He had no right to say that!" I wonder if I can stop doing that? We'll see. I wonder how often I cross the line between making an observation and judging? And how many people see it as a judgment, even though I'm just observing? Sigh.

Anyway, I think I'm going to have B take me to Sizzler for dinner. I'm starving. The plan allows for a lot of food so that you're not hungry. I just haven't had much today and it's my own fault. I couldn't get moving this morning, so I only had time for chia and flax for breakfast. A banana for my snack, 3 1/2 slices of turkey and a big serving of spinach for lunch and a peach for my snack. Just for the record, I was supposed to eat a whole lot more than that. I'm such a slacker. I'm just tired. Maybe I can get B into bed before 11pm tonight. **Yawn**

Day 3 of Cleanse

I had a miserable day yesterday. My head hurt like crazy, people were in my office who shouldn't have been and I couldn't get any of my thoughts straight. I just felt plum worn out.

I'm still reading the Lifeforce book. Last night, I stumbled upon a passage where Dr. McCombs said that if the candida problem is really severe in a person, they can get headaches, nausea and fatigue. Ok, it seems that's what happened yesterday. I slept like a log last night. I was so tired that at 8:30 last night, as I was reading the book, I fell asleep, woke up around 9:00 and couldn't figure out where my book was. I found it in the floor. Guess I had dropped it.

I'm feeling much better today. Only a slight headache this morning, which seems to be gone now. I'm still tired. Maybe I should go to bed a little earlier tonight. No water aerobics tonight, though. We have an appointment with our chiropractor. He changed from Tuesday and Thursday as being his late nights to just Wednesdays. If B and I didn't love him so much, we really wouldn't drive all the way to Draper in five o'clock traffic to see him. Now this? Grrrrr...naw, that doesn't bother me. It's actually better because when Biggest Loser and Smallville come back on, I'll have my Tuesdays and Thursdays to watch them! Providing we can get home from water aerobics in time.

Day 1

First day of my cleanse and how do I feel? Tired. But then, I was even more tired when I got up this morning. Why am I so tired? I mean, I slept well last night. Maybe I just didn't get enough sleep.

I was also very bloated this morning. Through the course of the day, however, my hands have gone down. I was able to get my rings on my left hand. I was having to wear them on my right hand because I couldn't even force them on this morning.

And it's my own fault that I haven't eaten. This cleanse allows for good food, and doesn't restrict portions. But, we didn't have time to prepare breakfast and I didn't have anything I could just grab and go with. So, I decided to have sort of a fast. I had 2 very small chicken breasts and a huge salad for lunch. I don't even have my snack with me. I broke down and drank one of my protein shakes that was in the fridge at work. It has sucralose in it, but I was starving. Hopefully, that won't mess me up too badly. I just needed some energy so that we can go to water aerobics tonight!

I've been reading the book that goes along with the cleanse. I'm fascinated. This doctor seems awesome. If this cleanse does as well as I think it will, I am going to recommend it to everyone.

Yippee for water aerobics! I'm so excited! I hope this place has a sauna. I need to sweat. I don't want the toxins to cause me to get a cold and sore throat.

Relief and Excitement

I am starting the cleanse tomorrow. I ate whatever I wanted the past few days. I won't be able to have anything but lean meats, fruits and veggies for the next 8 weeks. No free meals, either. But, I need to do this because I must get control over my health.

I got a letter from my doctor on Saturday that I have IBS. My tests came back negative for Celiac. I'm so relieved! The numbers they need for a positive for Celiac is greater than 19. Mine was 2! Phew! Now, I have the daunting task of figuring out what my triggers are. If I have any trouble over the next 8 weeks, I'll know if any of the 3 things listed above cause them. Of course, it would be specific foods, like tomatoes or something like that. If tomatoes is one of my triggers, I will be sooooo sad because I love tomatoes.

We have a great exercise plan. We'll be doing water aerobics at Sorenson on Mondays, Wednesdays and Thursdays. On Tuesdays, we'll do deep water aerobics at the one at the U. On Fridays and Saturdays, we'll probably just go to the gym. I'll need to get in a sauna and sweat 6 days a week to keep from getting sick from the toxins leaving my body.

Goodbye cheese, bread and such. At least for a couple months. It was great! But, for the long run, it's necessary to go our separate ways. I'll be back, don't worry.

How can you be sad and relieved at the same time?

It looks like we'll be taking a 6 month TTC break. Or will it be? We're not going to prevent, but I'll probably stop temping again and we won't pay any attention to when I ovulate. Whatever happens, happens.

Brent told me to lose a certain amount of weight before I get pregnant. That will take me 6 months. See, I either have IBS or Celiac Disease. Going to the doctor for my ankle gave me the opportunity to tell my doctor that I think I have IBS. He said it could more likely be Celiac disease. I was hoping to know this week, but I haven't heard from him. He'll be gone next week, so I won't find out for another week and a half. So, Brent wants me to get on this plan, called the Life Force plan. He says that he did it after having some major health issues for the first time in his life late last year. He said it really works. So, if I adhere to the strict diet (which is just a little more strict than the Celiac diet), and take the supplements to get rid of the Candida in my body, I should be preparing my body for weight loss and get rid of my digestive problems as well as my arthritis, fatigue and other stuff.

From my research, Celiac is related to miscarriages, IF problems and pregnancy problems. Blech!

I ordered the supplements yesterday. They shipped today. I should get them Monday. I go through 8 weeks of the diet and supplements and then Brent will do my bodyfat again. Of course, I'll be exercising during the program, so hopefully, I'll drop a bunch of weight during that time.

Whether I have IBS or Celiac, I will have to stick to a certain way of eating for my entire life. I can't go back. I can't slip. If I do, then I will have to deal with the pain and aggravation. So, I might as well get at it now. I'd rather not experience the pain and nausea and crap I've endured for the past year or two.

***IBS is a large intestine disorder. Celiac Disease is where I may be allergic to gluten. The small intestine's "fingers" that absorb nutrients may be damaged due to the toxins and stop functioning properly. It takes anywhere from months to years for them to heal after I would completely cut out gluten from my diet.