If I Only Had a Brain

I had a lot of time to sit and ponder today at the dentist office. I had it all planned out in my mind what my blog entry would be. Now that I finally get around to posting, I can't remember a bit of it. And I thought it was pretty good, too.

If I had to guess, I would say it has something to do with...oh, let's see...nope, not the drill that was whizzing away part of one of my upper molars, nor was it the decay I had (yeah, that doesn't happen often for me), nor was it the fact that I have to go back and have the onlay finished on Saturday. Shoot, what was it?

Guess it wasn't that important. It was at the time, but now, I guess I've had my priorities restructured during the course of the day.

I think maybe a little of it may be coming back.

I was able to do some pondering last night as to what the deal is with me lately. The trip to Yellowstone was wonderful. We had a marvelous time and I didn't want to leave. I was so happy to be out of the city and in an environment where there wasn't much to upset me. It lasted until the end of last week. I started stressing again. On top of all that, I remember a couple doctors tell me that they thought I had IBS. I researched it and found that yes, I do most likely have it. I have all the symptoms. I've talked to a couple friends who have it and having it actually explains a whole lot. My job has been stressing me out for a while. That's making the IBS worse. And I had a perfect chart last month. WTH am I not pregnant?

I wondered if perhaps I need to change my attitude. I need to be more positive. I mean, I think I have been pretty negative lately. All this crap in my life just got me down. I mean, why did my SIL's pregnancy send me into a minor depression? Maybe I should be happy for her, despite the reservations I have that she can handle it and wondering why in the world does she get a baby so quickly when I've lost 3 in 32 cycles of ttc.

Anyway, I pondered and prayed. I had the distinct impression that if I can get a handle on my stress, it will solve most of my problems. I probably shouldn't flip out at everything that happens. Ok, so how do I lower my stress level? It really is getting out of hand. I haven't been myself in months. Not since the last miscarriage.

I MUST get back to the gym. I'm very weak right now from my IBS bouts. So, B and I decided that we're going to the pool and doing water aerobics tomorrow. That will give my body time to recover. I'm cutting the crap out of my diet. I'm calling Healing Mountain about regular reiki visits. And I'm going to start "sword fighting" B more often. (He has these "swords" he made that have water noodles on pvc pipe. It's fun). And yes, I need to take a few deep breaths before I flip out. And, add some regular yoga in there. I love yoga.

I wondered if I should find a new job. I started looking for other positions with the church yesterday. Last night, I felt that I should stick it out. I mean, overall, I really do like my job. It's just uber stressful right now because of not having a real leader. I got the impression that once they hire the new guy and he gets started, things are going to get so much better around here. All the crap will be cut out. So, I'm taking deep breaths and hanging in there.